A Change of Heart

Let me start this post out with a story:

This semester at school, I've decided to try to be more social and outgoing. Not only is this a good goal in and of itself, but honestly, how am I ever going to meet a guy when my classes are all mostly girls? I just want to make friends, meet guys, and have a fun college social life, you know?

So with that background, yesterday I hiked up the hill to campus by myself to go to the Institute opening social. As I stood in the mass of people, I felt really alone. I knew no one, I didn't come with anyone, and everyone was already forming groups of familiar friends. I started talking to a girl in line in front of me, and we hit it off really well. After we had gotten our food, we went and sat down by a guy that was sitting by himself. We introduced ourselves, and they immediately hit it off. I would try to pitch in a conversation topic, or say something, and they'd acknowledge me, but then go off on stories from their mission that were similar, or mission companion stories, and what not. They were laughing and intently staring in each other's eyes, and whatever else they were doing. The rest of the evening, those two stuck together, and I felt so incredibly alone. I wished that I could just find someone familiar and have someone to talk to.

Long story short, I saw a few people from my ward, who welcomed me into their group of friends, we danced together, went and got Jamba Juice together, and then went and played some card games back at their apartment together.

What was the point of that story? Well, it's made me really think about relationships. Not just the general sense of having a boyfriend, but what needs to happen with me before that can even happen.

I realized that I needed to stop being worried about where a guy was for me, and start working on developing the most important relationship I'll ever have in this life: a relationship with God.

Not like I've been having a spiritual low lately, but I've just felt like I have a lot of growing to do. I'm also really good at comparing myself to my current state, and where I want to be, and that can sometimes be a little disheartening, you know?

So, instead of being mopey about it, I did something about it.

I woke up this morning, and immediately put together a system of journaling, note-taking, whatever you want to call it. I'm calling it my "Coming Closer to Christ" notebook. I hope to take a certain topic every day, read a talk, watch a Mormon Messages video, read related scriptures, or do something along those lines to help inspire me, teach me more deeply about the gospel, and develop a strong, unbreakable, and everlasting relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Today, for example, I used LDS.org, and searched for topics on God the Father. It was incredible!

In fact, I read a talk that was pretty life-changing for me. I view so many things differently now just reading it. I realize how important life is--Satan is pretty great at distracting me from what is important, or just making me justify not reading my scriptures, or not praying on my knees. And as small or simple as those things seem, they're so critically important for feeling the Spirit in my life.

The talk is called "Knowing God", and was given by Elder Bernard Brockbank found in the 1972 July Ensign. It was really amazing. If I were you, I'd give it a read.

"Knowing God"

There are many great parts of that talk, but one part that really stuck out to me as I'm starting this journey with God was, "The Lord has indicated that the gates of hell cannot prevail against revelation from him to any one of his children who desires to know the living God and to know the living Christ."

Also, as a side note, I wouldn't want to start a relationship or especially get married before I develop this relationship and make it the strongest part of my life. Believing in God and knowing, really truly knowing God are two very different things. I've believed in Him, and now is my time to get to know Him. A relationship should start between two people who are completely devoted to God. I hope my husband, wherever he is, is always looking to God, until God tells him to look up and see me.

The best marriages are built on two people who were first devoted to God and their relationship with Him, and then work with each other on achieving celestial marriage. And I want nothing less.

Wherever we all are on this journey--and we're all at different places--I hope we find Christ and realize the beauty that He can put in our lives by simply finding Him and wanting to know Him.

Live. Love. Laugh. Grow.