Never would I think that senioritis would hit me so bad. The urge to not do things is stronger than ever, but Graduation is just a week and a half away. My last day of school that I actually attend is this Thursday. This is the longest, but the most exciting week of my life. But it also has been one of the hardest (emotionally).
Wednesday was perhaps one of the hardest days for me. I had two AP tests that day--each of them four hours long in length from start to finish. I had AP English Language in the morning at 8 am. That wasn't too bad, I think I did relatively well. Afterwards, we had a short ten minute break after our long four hour test--it was now noon--and had some snacks our teacher had provided as a means of a small lunch for us. Six of us who were taking the English exam also had an AP Stats exam ten minutes later, so we ran to our math teacher's room, where she was waiting with chocolate milk, pastries, bagels and cream cheese, and donuts. We snarfed down as much as we could, seeing as we would have yet ANOTHER four hour test ahead of us. Feeling less hungry now, we slowly walked back to the testing room, as a lamb walks to the slaughter. :) Or at least that's how I felt. My brain was pretty much mush. We sat down, now incorporating the seventh and final student in our class (yes, there are only seven of us in the class, six who were taking the English exam as well) and the exam was about to start. Most of the ones who had just taken the English test looked pretty exhausted, myself included. As the proctor was reading the instructions, a huge Charlie Brown teacher bubble was honestly all I could hear. "Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wha." Then the words, "You may begin" came through and I slothfully opened my packet of multiple choice questions and grabbed my pencil. I snapped back into focus and started answering the multiple choice answers. One--good. Two--good. Three--hey! I can do this! Four--okay, this is a little tricky. Five--Is this even in English??? Six--Did we ever learn this? And so on and so on for the rest of the test. When I hit five, my brain honestly felt like it had been in the microwave for over 20 seconds. You know, when you put butter in to soften it and it's fine until a split second too late and it collapses and melts all over the place? That's how my brain felt. And that's how it went until the end of the multiple choice. When it came to the Free Response, which in history, has been the hardest part for me, my brain finally perked back up again, thinking, "This is it! This is the last portion of any AP test I ever have to take!" Time started, and I dove into the packet. I was able to answer each question, and I think I did pretty well. At least I hope I did. Knock on wood. Perhaps it was after the tests that made my day a little better...
I turned on my phone and saw that I had some new text messages. Two of them were from one of my really great friends, Bryson Mahoney. He had texted me during the test and knew I wouldn't be able to answer, but left some really great words of encouragement and it really lifted my spirit after being tested for over 8 hours (I started at 8 am. and didn't leave until a little after 4 pm.). I texted him back, thanking him for being such a great friend. Later that night, he texted me again and asked if I was going to Institute. I couldn't because I had to go certify some young women for camp that night (I was just made the Assistant Girl's Camp Director). I told him what I was doing and he said he would probably just go to his mutual then, and next week we could go to Institute together...hopefully. :) We agreed to meet up after each of our mutual activities, and go somewhere for ice cream. We met at Dairy Keen, and even though his little brother was there, I had one of the greatest nights of my life. I was able to talk to Bryson a little bit and even ride in his cute little stickshift truck. :) Even though I wasn't able to talk to him like I was hoping, I still had a really great time. And we agreed to have another "mini date" again, hopefully this time without his little brother throwing cans of juice all over us. :)
On Friday night, I had my senior recital with my two great friends, Robyn Kirkland and Camille Ward. We played and had a great time for each of our families and for two of my greatest friends, Bryson Mahoney and McCall Kelson. I played some of my songs better than I ever have before and some didn't go exactly as well as I had planned, but I was so thankful for my great audience that consisted of those I truly loved and admired and their support the entire evening.
At the end, I gave my teacher--a teacher I've had for over 6 years--some flowers and a book that was titled "forget me not" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. (At least, I think it was his...) It was very emotional for both of us, especially because I won't be taking lessons from her much longer. These next two weeks could be my last lessons.
After eating some refreshments afterwards, my friends came up and said they would love to go do something and hang out when we were done. I agreed and we decided to come to my house and play Just Dance 3 on the Kinect. Bryson, McCall, Robyn, and I danced until quarter after 10 pm, and had a great time. I got to talk to just McCall and Robyn for a bit after Bryson had left, so that was also fun. I took Robyn home when McCall had to leave, and we sat in her driveway, as usual, talking for about half an hour. This was one of our shorter talks, but it was still a lot of fun. I am so glad I have such great friends that are always there for me.
Saturday morning, I went to my family's 1st Annual Mother's Day Brunch and had a lot of fun. Here I was able to talk to the women of the family that were 18 and older--or more appropriately, the people I would rather hang out with and talk to than the rest of my family. :) We all ate at Kneader's (most delicious restaurant) and just sat, talked, cried, and laughed with each other. That was one of the greatest days of my life. My family talked to me about my major that I'm going into this fall, and I told them I was going into Elementary Education. They all inhaled with excitement and started going crazy with questions as to why I was going into that, "Oh, I'm so excited for you!", and other supportive comments all followed with a big smile. To know that not only were my parents supporting me, but my entire female Rowe side of the family was as well was a big reassurement, especially since the majority of them (and the Norton side) have been teachers. It's in my genealogy, and it has become more important to me each week I think about it.
Saturday afternoon, I was able to hang out and do a final Stats project with two of my great friends, Holly Greenhalgh and McCall Kelson. We had a blast as we were performing our experiment at a four-way stop sign intersection. The project, you ask? We were testing to see if a person stands at an intersection with and without a clipboard, would it affect the number of California Stops occurred. It was a lot of fun! Sunburns happened, I laughed pretty hard, and I got to just sit down and get to know Holly a little bit better. Over the months that I have gotten to be a better friend with her, I have really enjoyed just getting to know her. Our goals are a lot a like, and I think we have a lot of the same standards and motivations. I've come to really love her as a great friend. And same with McCall. I just didn't end up talking to her across the intersection for an hour as she stood on the other side counting the cars. :)
Saturday night is where it got hard, emotionally, for me. Bryson was having night games at his house that night--one of the last times we'll ever get to play with him before his mission in a little less than two months. It was also the last night of season tickets I had with my parents for the Utah Symphony. I told Bryson that I needed to go with my parents, since it was the very last time I would get to go with them, and there would be more night games to come this summer. However, when I got to the symphony, I couldn't concentrate on the music, no matter how much I usually would have found it beautiful, even sitting right next to the stage. I wasn't enjoying myself, and I couldn't figure out why. At intermission, I realized it was because I wasn't with Bryson and all my friends. My eyes got a little teary, and my mom, jokingly (I think) asked me if I was going to cry or start laughing. I started bawling, right there in the middle of all the people who were at the symphony, coming for a great time, and there I was, crying for no good reason right in the middle of everyone. We were in line for concessions, and my mom got me some Swedish Fish (they always make me happy), she got some gummy bears (we were talking about them at BYU earlier), and got my dad a Symphony bar. I couldn't control myself. I was crying to the point where you can't even say one word without it completely being interrupted by a snort and uncontrollable blubbering. It was bad. It was really hard when my mom was asking me what was wrong, and the fact that I really didn't know was even harder. I cried all the way through the second half of the performance, which I found was even harder to stay quiet when everyone around you isn't talking at all.
My mom was very helpful for me, no matter how much I might have been a crank before. She explained that the same thing had happened to her her senior year right after it seemed that everything she had loved and worked hard for had been taken away from her during the end of high school. This was exactly the way I was feeling. Why?
Testing for 8 hours a day and being done with everything I had studied for all year was exhausting. (P.S. I also passed my State Exam for Medical Anatomy and Physiology, which not very many people do apparently. Bonus: I didn't study. Well, I did, but it was the week before. I had been studying for the AP tests all that week.)
My piano teacher, who I have gone to every week for the past 6 years, has become one of my greatest friends, and now I will be leaving her suddenly for the summer and to go to college. I will probably never take lessons from her again. I'll be in college. Super emotional after my senior recital, where I was formally saying "Thank You" and "Goodbye" at the same time.
Seminary will be done next Sunday. That's when I graduate. I'm done with all I've put in for four years.
The Symphony--a tradition I've had with my parents for the past few months is now over.
I missed one of the last night games that Bryson will be holding.
I just found out I'm getting surgery on my toes in like 3 or 4 weeks.
One of my very best friends is leaving on his mission in a little less than two months.And I haven't seen him very much this year, which is making it really hard for me.
And I'm almost done with the school I've gone through for 12 years. 12 years of my life is coming to a close next week.
But throughout this really hard week, I'm looking to the future for exciting things.
I actually found a scripture today during sacrament meeting that really helped me.
Jacob 3:1-2
"But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction.
O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever."
Live. Love. Laugh. Grow.
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