So Many Rambles

I have a few things on my mind, and it helps me to just get it out there to feel a little more relieved. I don't know why that works, but it helps me a little bit.

I guess I'll get the negative thing off my mind first so that this post ends on a very positive note. :)

You may remember that in October when they made the missionary age change announcement, I felt strongly that I needed to serve a mission for the church. Many people were very supportive of my decision, and lots of people were very willing to lend me a hand with advice, scripture reading tips, etc, for my mission, and I was thrilled with all the support.

Although many people were supporting me, including my family, I was hitting roadblock after roadblock after roadblock with just getting the mission papers started. I know that Satan tries to prevent people from going on missions, but this didn't quite seem like that.

I remember one Seminary class I had where a teacher told us that Satan doesn't always tempt us with bad decisions or things. He can tempt us with very good things, but things that would distract us from the righteous thing we were supposed to be doing at that moment. Usually these things happen at a moment in our life that could be life-changing. Satan knows we're not going to do something drastically bad on a whim, but he knows the righteous will choose the more righteous thing over the other if there's a choice of that. A decision of what's good, better, and best.

I know now, after hitting roadblocks with my major, my schooling, and other things, I am sure that I am not supposed to serve a formal mission, wearing a name tag, but rather stay at school and finish my schooling before anything else. Just because I don't wear a black name tag that says "Sister Rowe" on it does not mean I am less capable or worth less than other sister missionaries that are out serving. Yes, they are doing a great thing and are noteworthy for leaving their families and their lives behind for a year and a half, but they aren't the only sister missionaries in the world.

There are lots of girls like me out there that haven't served a mission and won't be serving a formal mission, but that's okay. That doesn't mean we're less important or capable than other sisters. I'm not trying to put sister missionaries down at all--I'm really not. Most of my friends are on missions right now. And I couldn't be prouder and happier of them. This is a great experience for them.

What I just don't like is when people expect all girls my age to go serve a formal mission, almost like it's the expectation of girls like it is for boys. That's really hard for me to deal with sometimes. I have had many people from my family, my ward, and just people I know, ask me if I am going to serve a mission. I answer with the usual, "No, I'm not going to serve a mission right now. I feel like I need to stay at school and finish my degree before thinking of going on a mission." To that response, I usually get a, "Well, why not? You totally could--nothing's wrong with you is there?" NO. There isn't something wrong with me. I usually get a raise of the eyebrows, a disapproving look, and as they're walking away, they usually say, "That's too bad. The church just lost what would have been a great missionary."

It's hard not to cry or get a little upset when people say that. The church hasn't lost a great missionary. I can still be one to people around me wherever I go. I don't have to have a name tag to be able to do missionary work. Sure, the work is a lot more focused on a formal mission, but that doesn't mean people at home can't be missionaries.

Be an example. Be faithful to the church. Create a relationship with Heavenly Father and the Savior. Learn how to listen to the Spirit. Be in tune and follow the promptings you get.

You can be a missionary too.

So just because I'm 19 years old, and I'm a girl, does not automatically make me a missionary like most of the world seems to assume now. The Lord has other plans in store for me at this point in life, and I intend to follow what He has in store for me. I'm sure it's a whole lot better than what I would have come up with myself.

I hope if any girl is the age to serve a mission and she feels like she needs to stay home, but might be looked down on by people because she isn't serving a mission, to stand up for what she feels is right for her in her life. A mission wasn't meant for everyone, especially in the case for girls. The most important thing is that you follow the promptings you get from the Spirit, not the people around you. You are in charge of what happens in your life (for the most part)--only you can get inspiration for yourself.

Alright, alright, so heavy negative venting part one is over. :)

Here's the uplifting part two. :)

Because none of my friends are really home anymore, I have been pretty lonely lately. Yes, I'm at home with my family, and I'm glad, but I'm really missing the social aspect and the people my age that comes with going to school. I miss basically everything about being at school. Even the homework. It's come to this. :)

Anyways, I got in touch with one of my really great friends who recently got married, and we got together to just simply talk and catch up on our lives. It was such a great experience! She's just a few steps ahead of me in life, and our lives have seemed to be pretty similar to each others. Just in events that happen, and what not. She talked about how she met her husband, how she went on to realize that she wanted to marry him, and the process of getting engaged, planning a wedding, getting married, and now being married. It was actually pretty nice to hear that someone has gone through what I'm going through and that it really does get better. She is such an example to me, and I don't know if she knows that I look up to her and find her exemplary, but she is a complete role model to me. It was so nice to have her support when it came to talking about getting ready to go through the temple, making myself ready to be a wife, and looking for qualities that really matter when it comes to being married, etc.

I knew we were pretty good friends, but I had no idea that we were close enough friends that she considered me as a bridesmaid. I almost teared up when I first heard her say that. That meant so much to me! In that moment, I was so thankful for her as a friend, and I was thankful for her example and her being able and willing to talk to me about things like this.

She told me that when I'm getting married, she'll help me with planning (if and when I need help--since she's been through it recently), help with planning my friend bridal shower, and just being there on my wedding day. It was nice to hear that she'll fly out for my wedding too, depending on circumstances. I couldn't have asked for a better evening than to spend with a dear friend who I care about and who cares about me. Nothing could sound more relieving and pleasant than having friends help me along a journey that will be amazing! It only happens once in your life, so they'll make it more fun!

When I get married one day, (and you know who you are if you're reading this!) you are definitely going to be one of my bridesmaids or my Maid of Honor. That is, if my husband doesn't have a gazillion sisters! I don't even know if I'll have a Maid of Honor--maybe I'll just have bridesmaids that kind of work together to plan stuff. That'd be a little easier, I don't know! We'll figure it out when the time eventually comes.

So many things. So much has happened. So much has changed. So much will be figured out.

Missions.

Going to college.

Becoming a teacher.

Becoming myself.

Live. Love. Laugh. Grow.