Why.
Why can't mascara just stay on my eyelashes? Why? Why do I even need the thick black gunk? I guess it makes you prettier--or so they say.
Until you cry. And it all comes off. And you get the red, splotchy-faced, swollen, pink-eyed me.
With no mascara.
This was me today, after church, realizing that
Yes. This was my last Sunday in my home ward.
Yes. This was my last Sunday in Young Women's.
Yes. I am going to miss my friends. A lot.
Yes. I am going to bawl my eyes out when my family leaves me.
Yes. I really am moving on Wednesday, to a town I've never really seen before.
Yes. I am starting this next chapter of my life. By myself.
Yes. Heavenly Father is going to help me through it.
Yes. I am getting an education.
No. I will not have people there that I know at first.
No. I will not have family in close proximity.
No. I will not be able to have my mom's good cooking.
No. I won't have a job.
No. I can't come home on weekends or whenever I'm feeling homesick.
No. I won't have a ton of money left over to do fun things.
Yes. This is where I need to be.
Yes. This is what I need to be doing.
You know what one of the best remedies for being sad and getting all your tears out without anyone noticing you crying is?
A hot bath.
You can cry all you want, turn on the air vent/fan/thing, and it's loud enough that if you occasionally snorted or let out an audible sob, no one can hear you. And you let out a lot of tears. By the time you're done crying, you're done with your bath, and if you're red faced and splotchy, it's okay. You'll cool down and come to terms with everything. A hot bath also is relaxing and you aren't as tight-winded.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I did this today.
I guess the reality of actually leaving and starting a new life is so exciting, so overwhelmingly exciting, but so hard at the same time. Leaving everything behind, starting everything anew, it's a blank slate.
And I'm super excited.
It's just hard to leave everything and everyone I know behind and have to go out of my way to make friends again. I've worked hard for the great friends I've got, but I guess I have to find some more again. :)
Three days and I will be in Rexburg. I move into my dorm in four days, and I start school in 8 days.
Wish me luck. :)
Live. Love. Laugh. Grow.
Brittany, I want you to know how much I admire you. You are going to do so well at BYU-Idaho! The spirit there is so strong and God truly will help you through everything you come up against. There's a quote that I heard today in church that says: "If God bring you to it, He will bring you through it." Good luck my friend! I love you tons and am so grateful for your friendship!
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way when I arrived in Spain. I didn't feel it before I left because I was too excited for my new adventure, but when I got there and realized what I had done... moved to a new COUNTRY where nobody knew me or loved me, and that I couldn't go home, I was so homesick. But I wouldn't change a thing, looking back now. It made my life now possible. Good choice!
ReplyDelete-Aunt Dana P.S. Mary Lynn cried for 3 days straight in the MTC. The little Mexican Elders didn't know what to do with her... she had no companion, remember?