When Opportunity Knocks...

First off, before I start this post, I want to thank all my readers who have been visiting my blog! After my last post, my pageviews jumped up almost by 500. It's been unreal! So thank you for helping my viewing numbers go up, but most importantly, I thank you for taking time out of your day to read a little about my life.

So as the title of this post goes. . .opportunity has been surrounding me so much lately! It's been really great, but it's also been extremely stressful. With great choices comes great responsibilities.

Am I right or am I right?

The first opportunity that came knocking was for me to design a program for BYU Management Society. At first I didn't think it was that big of a deal; I was contacting some local about what the program should look like, where it would be held, etc. Then out of the blue, I was told I was the sole designer for the program as well as that Sheri Dew would be the person highlighted and awarded that night.

SHERI DEW?! You mean the President of Deseret Book? You mean I'm the only designer for this huge event?

Not only that, but I was then told that Jenny Oaks Baker, who happens to be my violin music inspiration, was going to be performing there at the program that night as well, and I got to highlight her in the program.

And just so they made sure I was passing out from all the crazy things I was getting to do, they told me I'd have the opportunity to meet up to seven of the 12 apostles.

I worked for about 2-3 months on this program, but mostly within the span of a few weeks, when we finally got information, pictures, sponsors, etc. It took a LOT of hard work, patience, communication with businesses, administrators, and printers, and I even missed four classes before it was due because of last minute changes businesses wanted in the program with their logo, write-ups, etc.

Finally, when everything was done, the midnight oil had long burned out several hours previous, and all the people that I was emailing back and forth the night (or rather, the morning) before it was due were content with what we had, how it would be printed, etc, it was sent off to the printer, where mass printing would be happening the next morning.

I hopped on the shuttle from Rexburg to Provo the next morning, very excited to meet these people and see my program in the hands of business owners, CEO's, Sheri Dew, Jenny Oaks Baker, and the apostles. I finally got to Provo with 10 minutes to spare, found my parents and quickly changed into my outfit in a restroom before going out and meeting the guests.

It was a pretty fancy Gala. Pretty much everything you'd imagine. People carrying platters of appetizers, "Would you care for some?", fancy music going on in the background, food laid out everywhere, people talking in suits and nice dresses, signing in as a guest of Sebo Marketing, having my coat numbered and hung up on a rack...it was pretty nice!

I got to meet Sheri Dew and shake her hand, as well as get a picture with her!

Here it is!


(Me, Sheri Dew, my mom, my dad)

Anyways, I didn't get to meet the apostles, but I saw Russell M. Nelson, David A. Bednar, and Dallin H. Oaks there. There might have been more, but there were long lines to meet them, and I was unable to go say hello and actually meet them.

Last item of business, and another great opportunity that is starting to knock is. . . .drum roll. . .

An internship this summer!

It randomly came in an email to me, and it would be a perfect opportunity! I get to help test kids in elementary schools during the summer to see if they are able to test out of their grades, and if not, I help remediate them, I get to learn the newest technology behind teaching, and I get to travel to many schools around Utah, which would be great to make connections before student teaching in two years.

Guess what the best part is though? It's a paid internship. Like, a great hourly waged internship at almost full-time hours each week.

I don't know if I've been accepted or considered yet, like I said, I just got the email tonight and have responded.

But, when opportunity knocks,

open the door and see what possibilities await.

Live. Love. Laugh. Grow.

Understanding PCOS and Thanking Heavenly Father

I've been debating for a very long time over whether or not I should blog about this, but I keep getting very strong feelings to do so. I feel like writing this out is almost like when you know you should get up and bear your testimony in church, and your heart feels like it's going to jump right out of your mouth it's pounding so hard, but I feel the Spirit incredibly with me as I write this, and I hope that you respect this post, as it is very personal and something that many women, including me, around the world are unfortunately dealing with.

Before I dive into the definition of what PCOS is, I want to tell you my story of when I found out I had this condition. And one disclaimer: this is kind of a long post.

Ever since I hit that awkward stage of life that starts with a P (yes, I'm talking about puberty. I just hate that word.), things were always a little off, or different, or just not happening with me, where my friends seemed to be handling this "p" stage rather well. We assumed it was just a phase and that my body would eventually come to be, well, normal.

A few years went by, and I was now 16. I was still on that crazy rollercoaster that my body was giving me. 17, same thing. 18, same thing. 19, same thing.

I started my freshman year of college when I was 18, almost 19, and we were hoping that this would help my body start feeling like it was supposed to--mature! However, a lot of the opposite happened. Yes, I grew mentally with my education, but my body was really starting to go wacko. Where most people gain the "Freshman 15", I had gained about a Freshman 20, which at first, didn't seem too off, but it continued throughout the next semester. I would go running, playing racquetball, and even took some Zumba, Yoga, and Cycling classes to try to work it all off with my roommate. While she slimmed down, it didn't even look like I had been to the gym working up a sweat several times that week. I started getting these weird stretch mark looking things, but they kind of bumped out and were below my belly button, which is where stretch marks of that nature don't really express themselves--at least in the way that my body was. I started growing hair on my face, which a lot of women have, but mine started getting much more coarse instead of being the fine hair that I usually had, and it grew longer than before. My moods were all over the place, I didn't have a single. . .uh, monthly cycle. . .through that entire first semester, and I started feeling really sick a lot of the time. It even got to the point that I didn't even really want to go out and do anything with my roommate because my stomach would just hurt. After searching on Google, my roommate and I thought that perhaps I was gluten or lactose intolerant. It would explain a lot of things, and so I put that idea to work the next semester, seeing as how it was already the end of my first semester.

So after that rollercoaster of a ride, I started the next semester being gluten and lactose free. Let me tell you, that is a HARD adjustment to make, especially with how much I love my milk and cheese and breads! I did it though, and I immediately slimmed down about 10 pounds, which was awesome, but it only helped the indigestion a little bit--it didn't help any of those other problems. I told my mom this over the phone one day, and we discussed many different options as to what it could be.

After a lot of research and reading, my mom told me that if my body didn't become normal within a few months, especially before turning 20, that she was wanting to take me to an OBGYN, to see if everything was normal with me.

When the end of my second semester came, it was April, and still, things were all over the place. We found out that I am not gluten or lactose intolerant and that there was probably some bigger underlying thing going on.

I remember coming home from work one day, and my mom calling me upstairs to her room. She started crying and told me she had scheduled an appointment with an OBGYN that week for me to go see, because she was starting to get worried about what could be going on. I remember feeling very conflicted feelings at that moment--I was very relieved that we would finally be finding out what was going on and that I would be getting help and solutions to this, but I was extremely worried as to what the condition could be.

Through our studying, we had found that there were several answers to what my symptoms led to, but the most common one was PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). As great as this was to know what I probably had, we decided to see a doctor because there is a wide range of effects of PCOS. You could have very little side effects of PCOS, and be borderline normal, or on the other side, you could develop cancer. This is one of the several reasons why I went in to see the OBGYN.

The day came for me to see the doctor, and I was incredibly nervous. I had no idea what was going to happen in the room, I didn't know what she'd diagnose me with, etc. I prayed very hard that night that everything would be okay, but I had an uneasy feeling and was still very nervous.

They called me in, and a nurse took my blood pressure, weighed me, and had me sit on that weird bench thing with the crinkly paper. (I never liked that crinkly paper. . .or hospitals, for that matter!) A few minutes later, the OBGYN came in, shook my hand, and started talking to me, asking about what symptoms I had, what was going on, etc. After a few minutes, she started looking really concerned, which was not very comforting. She asked how old I was again, and then asked me to lie down on the table. She pressed on my stomach to check for cysts on my ovaries, but she said that everything felt normal. She looked in my eyes, ears, took my temperature, and checked the hair on my face. She said she was a little concerned, especially with how young I was. Usually 19 year olds aren't diagnosed with something like this. She left to make a phone call, and I could hear her on the other side of the door. She sounded worried, and kept saying, "Yes, she's only 19. That's why we need to double check with an ultrasound to make sure there aren't any cysts or tumors lurking there."

Reality struck me when she said that, and I realized that if I did have a tumor, or even a cyst that could turn to a tumor, that my life could have been over very quickly. If it wasn't life threatening, then it was threatening my chance of my ultimate goal--to bear my own children one day when I am married.

While this dreary thought started creeping into my mind, she came back in the room, put her hand on my knee, and said, "I need you to come back tomorrow and have an ultrasound performed, just to see if everything is okay and to make sure there are no cysts or cancerous tumors lurking there." The nurse then came to draw my blood, which I guess I needed 5 tubes drawn, and that was NOT fun. (I haaate needles and blood!) Afterwards, I left the doctors office, and went out to my mom who had been waiting there the whole time. It was hard telling my mom that I needed to come back the next day to check if there were any cysts, and I tried to stay positive while talking to my mom, making it sound like it wasn't that big of a deal, where on the inside, I was really freaking out and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to worry if it was nothing, but I didn't want to completely not care about it either.

I remember coming home, eating dinner, and then quietly going up to my room. I had so many extreme emotions running through my head. Happy that the OBGYN couldn't find anything so far, but mostly just terribly sad and worried about what was happening with me, as well as the possibility of it being cancer and it taking my life much too early, or preventing me from having children in this life. I grew from being worried and sad to truly angry, an emotion I have very, very rarely ever felt. I really can't remember the last time I felt so angry--at myself, at my body, at the situation, at the world, and yes, I hate to admit it, I felt angry towards God for a short time. I started thinking, "Why me? The one thing I was created for as a woman, to bear children, is now possibly being taken away from me. This also was a goal of mine--this is my dream, to be able to have children." I was angry with this situation and unfortunately with God for about 30 seconds, before I felt horrible for those feelings, and fell on the floor and leaned on my bed and sobbed for a good while. I remember praying the hardest I have ever prayed that night for Heavenly Father to show me a miracle--to let my body start working how it was supposed to, to make sure that I would be okay, and that there would be no signs of tumors or cancers the next day. I then realized how selfish I was being, and immediately prayed for forgiveness, and asked that His will be done, not mine, but that if it could be His will, that I would be cancer and cyst free. I then prayed to tell Heavenly Father that if I was able to have children of my own one day, that I would raise them completely to the Lord, and that I would give anything to have a family one day. I gave that a few minutes while I rested on my bed, and I felt prompted to read my scriptures. I prayed that I would flip open and point to the verses or chapter that I needed to read at that moment, and my prayer was answered. I opened to 1 Nephi 11 (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/11?lang=eng), where I came across verses 12-26 (the entire chapter is amazing, but these were the verses I came across). It talks about Nephi receiving a vision about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and how she was blessed with being able to be a mother and how she had lived her life so close to the Lord. It also talked about how the love of the Lord is above all things, and later Nephi sees in a vision Mary holding her baby, knowing that the love of God gave her this baby to love and look after. I knew that God had a plan for me, and that I would one day have a family. It might just take a little more work and effort than most other people.

The next day I went in to the ultrasound room, and it was actually really cute. Baby quilts were hung up, and everything baby was in that room. But that also was hard, thinking that could possibly be the only time I would ever be in an ultrasound room if I wasn't able to ever have my own children. They had me drink a LOT of water, to make sure that my bladder was pushing everything in front up as close to the surface of my stomach as possible. (Anyone who is pregnant or has had a baby probably knows this happens.) The lady that was the ultrasound technician was so extremely nice, and I was so thankful for everyone at the Heber Intermountain Health Care that helped me through those two days. Anyways, they laid me down and rubbed this clear warm jelly all over my abdomen, and then turned the screen on, and started rubbing this weird contraption over my stomach, and I could immediately see what my insides looked like! It was really weird, but really cool at the same time. The lady moved the screen so I could see what was going on, as well as the other technicians/doctors, and it was really cool to see what you look like on the inside. As she was checking the screen and moving the camera around, the doctors around us moved in closer, and they all got really quiet. I thought this would be bad, especially when they all then left the room, leaving me laying there. The technician came back in a few minutes later, and smiled at me and said, "Whatever concern was there before with any cysts or tumors, there is no sign of any of that when we checked. It's odd because usually when someone with your symptoms comes in here, we find a cyst or even a tumor, but it looks like those symptoms have all kind of gone away. One day you'll be back in this room, and we'll be able to see a cute little baby on this screen, don't you worry."

I left that room feeling extremely happy, knowing that my prayer was answered from the night before. I went back to the OBGYN who had my blood tests back from the lab and she told me that on the scale of PCOS I was on the very low end, where I was borderline. PCOS is not a disease, but rather a symptom with many conditions that occur. With a LOT of hard work, making sure I eat foods with very little sugar in them, and exercising a lot, understanding that it's going to take me at least twice as long and with twice as much effort as most people could to get the same results, I could overcome PCOS and become normal. It would be difficult, but I'm on the very left edge of PCOS, not in the middle or even on the far end where it becomes extremely dangerous.

I left that day with medicine to help me, but since it was helping my hormone levels get back to where they needed to be, it was some pretty strong stuff and it didn't make me feel like myself. Although my body was working "normally", my mind was now kind of swinging into a depression, and I didn't want to do anything. I would sleep for a long time, my body would ache, I wouldn't really laugh or smile at anything, and all I wanted to do was hang out in the basement and watch movies or play a video game, which is pretty unusual for me. I remember my mom coming and talking to me, and I burst into tears, just feeling so confused. I was sure that when my body was working normally that I would be happy, but I just didn't feel myself, I didn't feel like doing anything, and I hated not feeling happy.

I eventually stopped taking the medicine, and my body has slowly started to come back to normal--much more than it's ever been before. It's been hard trying to kind of come back from that swing of depression, but I feel like I'm on the right track, especially with these new goals and motivations I've set for myself.

This year, I want to help my body start working the way it is supposed to. I'm going to be running again, and I'm actually really excited. No, my body will probably not look like other runners out there, even if I work as hard and as long as them. I'm going to try to run a 5K or hopefully a 10K with my mom and little brother to surprise my dad when I come home this fall. I'm going to try to be happier, to work harder, and to enjoy little moments that come and see the beauty in everything.

Most importantly, I'm going to work on my relationship with Heavenly Father, and making sure that I am closer to them and they are closer to me. I want to be the type of person I would want to marry. I want to be the type of person that Heavenly Father would look down upon and say how proud He was to call me His daughter. I want to just be overall better this year.

As I told my mom on New Years, this year feels like something great is going to happen. I don't know what it could be--there are so many opportunities! Maybe it's working on my body. Maybe it's finding what really makes me happy in life. Maybe it's making new friends. And maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I find the man I want to spend the rest of eternity with.

But here is cheers and hope to you all during this new year. We all have our own struggles, and we are all dealing with battles that no one really knows about. Here's a battle of mine that I've felt extremely prompted to share with you, and I hope that if you know someone who is dealing with PCOS, that you are kind and compassionate towards them, because many of them are hoping for pregnancy, for happiness, and for their real bodies, minds, and personalities back.

Happy New Years everyone.

Live. Love. Laugh. Grow.